


You Light The Way

by WrittenFire



Series: 30 Days of Spirk [5]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, POV Kirk, POV Multiple, POV Spock, Pon Farr makes a brief appearance, Pre-Slash, Romance, Short & Sweet, starting off with some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-13 22:31:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 10,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10523253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittenFire/pseuds/WrittenFire
Summary: Thirty short stories about the epic relationship between James T. Kirk and Spock: take four.





	1. Wistful

**Author's Note:**

> So this years are going to be short and sweet, but I hope that you enjoy them anyways ^_^
> 
> Disclaimer for it all: I don't own!

**_Wistful_ **

_  
_ _(adjective) having or showing a feeling of vague or regretful longing._

 

\--

 

Shifting a minuscule amount in his chair Spock chanced a glance to his Captain, taking in the eased posture and the small smile that played on his lips. It was a sight he longed to see when it was gone, and one that left him aching when it was around. When it was followed by a deep bellied laugh, it made his breath catch in his throat.

There had been a time, at the start of their second five-year mission, after Spock and Uhura had terminated their relationship and he was spending over half of his time off with his Captain—with _Jim_ —that the man had made his interests known.

Unfortunately, when it happened Spock was buried deep in denial and so he had rejected him; it had not been easy, and the stilted conversations and awkward tension that followed was far from easy as well. Though it took a while they did eventually manage to move past it; Spock would notice lingering glances and aborted moves to touch, but after some time and effort those stopped as well.

It was not until three months after, that Spock woke one day with the realization that he had made one of the worst decisions of his life. He awoke one morning with the certainty that he loved James Tiberius Kirk with all that he had—with an intensity he knew with a certainty he would never find again.

As he watched Jim laugh over something Nyota had said, with a glance he refused to acknowledge as wistful in anyway, Spock wondered if the opportunity to have Jim be his would ever come around again. If it did, he would seize it quickly—and offer himself to Jim, in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? We're starting off with a bit of angst this year. Because that's how I like it, apparently.


	2. Tipsy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You and Bones are good at that. And the old one! Me, not so much.” He tries to mimic the move and fails. “See! Can’t do it.”
> 
> “That is…fascinating, Captain.” Spock leans back from his touch, watching his friend’s finger as it moves to force an arch in his own brow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rather like this one! Tipsy!Jim is fun to do :) 
> 
> The whole time I wrote this I listened to the X-Men: First Class Apocalypse soundtrack and I loved it. Ugh. Music. <3

**_Tipsy_ **

_  
_ _(adjective) slightly drunk._

_\--_

“Spock!” Jim hisses, swaying into the open space between them before straightening. “ _Spock!”_

Spock slowly turns from his conversation with Nyota and raises an expectant brow at Jim. “Yes, Captain?”

“How do you _do_ that?” he asks in exasperation, reaching out and lightly touching the arch of his brow. Spock tenses beneath his touch, but otherwise doesn’t move. “You and Bones are good at that. And the old one! Me, not so much.” He tries to mimic the move and fails. “See! Can’t do it.”

“That is…fascinating, Captain.” Spock leans back from his touch, watching his friend’s finger as it moves to force an arch in his own brow. “Is that all that you required my attention for?”

“Um.” Jim sucks on his lower lip, an action Spock has noticed indicates he is trying to figure out how to say something, instead of just blurting it out as he can be wont to do. “Well,” he draws the word out and leans towards him, balancing precariously on the edge of the stool. “You see, I _did_ have a question for you, but I think that I probably shouldn’t.”

Spock takes a moment to ponder that statement. “You think you should not have a question, or that you think you should not _ask_ me the question?” He would prefer clarification, but judging by the way Jim continues to throw back cups of whiskey, he is under the assumption that would not be a possibility.

“Yes.” Is Jim’s nonsensical reply. He snickers when Spock does his sigh-that-isn’t-a-sigh at his words, the noise turning into a faint protest when the man takes his nearly empty tumbler from him and sets it down out of his reach.

“It is time we return to the ship, Captain.” Spock firmly announces, paying for their drinks before grabbing hold of Jim’s forearm and guiding him off the stool and to the door.

“Aw Spock, if you’re taking me home the _least_ you can do is call me Jim.” His grin is wicked, something that Spock ignores but for the faint blush he could not control.

“I do not think that would be wise, Captain.” He utters faintly, pulling out his communicator and calling for transport home. Spock places his hand lightly on Jim’s lower back so as to help direct him in the right direction, ignoring the looks that the action receives as he walks him down the corridors and to his room.

“What’s it going to take to get you to call me Jim, huh?” He asks, a faint whine to his voice. “I like it when you call me Jim. Makes me feel good.”

The blush is back and worse than before. “It is not professional, Captain, nor is it wise.” Spock ushers him into his quarters and walks him to his bed. It is as he is trying to lay him down when he realizes how tipsy his Captain is.

“Spock,” Jim sighs, gripping tightly at Spock’s arms and pulling him down as well, smirking up at him when he traps him between his legs. “Doing what is wise is never fun. And calling me by name would be the best thing to do, don’t you think? Then we could be unprofessional together, instead of alone.”

The implications of his last sentence take a moment for Spock to grasp, trying as he is to release himself from Jim’s grip without hurting him. When it does he stills, looking down at him in stunned disbelief. “Cap—“

Jim cuts him off. “ _Jim,_ Spock.” He says forcefully. “It’s Jim.” He then cuts off anything else Spock might have found to say with a deep kiss, one that stops Spock in his tracks and starts him off again in Jim’s direction. As Jim licks his way into Spock’s mouth, Spock is sure in his knowledge that by the end of the night, he will be calling him Jim—and that Jim will be his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? I love to hear from you!


	3. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jtawesome: Starting the day off angry is shit.
> 
> scienceofficer1: I know, James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo my current job is being a breakfast host and this fic may or may not have Jim feeling my pain with something that actually happened today. This felt really good to write and also this format is still pretty new for me so I hope that you like it!

**_Anger_ **

_  
_ _(noun) a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility._

_\--_

 

 **jtawesome:** You there, Spock?

 

 **scienceofficer1:** Hello, James.

 

 **jtawesome:** Hey, man. You busy?

 

 **scienceofficer1:** Not currently, James. What do you need?

 

 **jtawesome:** I’m fucking irritated. How do grown ass adults not understand how to throw their crap away properly? Did that knowledge just fall out of their teeny shitty brains?

 

 **scienceofficer1:** I’m assuming a guest failed to throw their trash away properly?

 

 **jtawesome:** Yeah. They saw that they were missing the trash and yet STILL eased it in so that their damn trash fell off to the side and made a mess. They had fucking pancakes so syrup pooled and dripped out. I hate when people do that, Spock, I really do.

 

 **scienceofficer1:** I am aware, James.

 

 **jtawesome:** Starting the day off angry is shit.

 

 **scienceofficer1:** I know, James.

 

 **jtawesome:** Sorry, Spock. There just hasn’t been anything good happen to make my day great.

 

 **scienceofficer1:** I believe I may able to rectify that, James.

 

 **jtawesome:** Really? How so?

 

 **scienceofficer1:** As of today, I am officially joining Starfleet. In two weeks I will be on Earth, and I would like to finally meet you in person.

 

 **jtawesome:** ….that just may be the best news I’ve gotten in a long time.

 

 **scienceofficer1:** We will meet at our designated area? At the designated time?

 

 **jtawesome:** You bet. I’ll be counting down the days.

 

 **scienceofficer1:** As will I, James.

 

 **jtawesome:** You have to go, don’t you?

 

 **scienceofficer1:** Yes. How did you know?

 

 **jtawesome:** I’m awesome like that. Talk to you later, yeah?

 

 **scienceofficer1:** I will call you when I am through at work.

 

 **jtawesome:** Okay. Bye, Spock.

 

 **scienceofficer1:** Goodbye, James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cleaned up that guys mess and then went into the pantry to very quietly screech my frustrations. How the hell do some people get to be adults and not know how to clean up after themselves?? It's so frustrating. Ugh.
> 
> ANYWAY. Mini rant over, I hope that you enjoyed the little ficlet, and please, as ever, let me know what you thought! :D
> 
> PS. The names started of as placeholders but then I liked them so much they just stuck xp


	4. Bitter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t believe she never told me.” Jim says in disbelief, a growing anger in his tone. “How could she give birth to my kid and never tell me that I’m a father?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it started out bitter and then ended awfully sweet. These damn two, ugh. <3

__**_Bitter_ **

_(adjective) angry, hurt, or resentful because of one’s bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment._

 

\--

 

“I can’t believe she never told me.” Jim says in disbelief, a growing anger in his tone. “How could she give birth to _my kid_ and never tell me that I’m a father?”

“Maybe she didn’t know how to reach you?” Bones asks, trying and failing to be optimistic—something that doesn’t come easy to him, but for Jim, he will always try.

“No, she’s always known how to get in contact with me.” Jim begins to pace. “I’ve known her since high school; if she couldn’t find me, she sure as hell could have found Winona or Sam.”

“Have you checked that they do not know?” Spock asks, speaking for the first time since they heard the news.

Jim shakes his head. “Don’t need to. Getting someone pregnant out of marriage is a mistake they would be sure to rub in my face.”

It’s quiet after his words; the bitterness and animosity he has towards his only living relatives is a sharp, sour taste in the air.

“Well, kid, what are you going to do?” Bones asks softly.

“Hell if I know.” He runs his hands through his hair, tugging on the dirty blonde locks in frustration. “ _Shit._ ”

The chirp of Bones’ communicator going off cuts off any words he might have said; a soft curse is what sounds instead. “I have to get to Medbay.” He rests his hand comfortingly on Jim’s shoulder as he passes by. Once he’s gone Jim goes to Spock, rests his forehead on the nape of his neck and releases a heavy sigh.

“ _Spock_.” His name is shaky on his tongue, filled with the all the emotions he won’t— _can’t_ —express.

“Jim,” Spock turns and presses their foreheads together, fingers gently encasing Jim’s.

“What am I going to do? What are _we_ going to do?” He asks softly, eyes fluttering shut as he breaths in Spock’s calming scent.

“What do you want to do, Jim?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

“He’s my kid, Spock. _My kid.”_ Jim takes a deep, shuddering breath and pulls back just enough to see his face clearly. “I want—need to keep him. He’s mine.” The last words are a soft breath of wonder; that, combined with the emotion that is flooding through their connection, makes Spock’s answer even clearer.

“Then we keep him, Jim. We raise your son as our own.” Spock answers. He tastes Jim’s fear, his excitement and overwhelming affection for him in their kiss, he feels it through their bond. It’s a bright light that cradles them close and keeps them warm—a light that will only burn brighter with the child they will bring into their family.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally, I don't think having a kid outside of wedlock (gosh, that is the phrase, right?) is bad -considering my mom and dad were never married, I really don't- but I feel like in this little ficlet 'verse, that's the kind of thing his family would be dicks over, just 'cause they can.
> 
> Anywho. I love kid!fic, especially with these two, so I would look forward to another prompt fill with this little one. Especially since I already know what word to use for it, lol
> 
> Thanks for the read! Let me know what you think? :)


	5. Awestruck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim never really believed in love at first sight; not, at least, until the door to Pike’s office had opened and he got his first glimpse at wild black hair and eyes that he saw every day in the mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to post this and all of my notes disappeared. Ugh.

**_Awestruck_** __  
  


_(adjective) filled with or revealing awe._

 

\--

 

Meeting his son is everything he could have wished for and more.

Jim never really believed in love at first sight; not, at least, until the door to Pike’s office had opened and he got his first glimpse at wild black hair and eyes that he saw every day in the mirror. His cheeks were still round with baby fat and he had the same adorable pert nose that had drawn him to his ex in the first place.

He’s being lead in by a social worker, and Jim can see his kid’s nerves in the tightness of his grip on her hand.

“Captain Kirk, there is someone I would like you to meet,” she opens with, gently easing him to stand before her. “Captain, this is Bruce. Bruce, this is Captain James T. Kirk. He’s your father.” For all that her words are gentle, they are life changing—for the both of them.

“Hi, Bruce.” Jim crouches down so he is at eye level with his son, his smile soft and eyes nervous. He holds out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Bruce shuffles slowly over, looking over his shoulder at the social worker who gives him an encouraging nod. “Hi, Captain.” He shyly shakes his hand, biting down on his lower lip as he looked at Jim. “Mama said you save people.”

“Your mama was right.” Jim said, ignoring the stab of anger and pain that the thought of that woman invoked.

“Mama also said you live in space.” Bruce said, eyes lighting.

“I do. I live on the Starship Enterprise.” Jim’s answer is full of pride; his next words are full of nerves. “It’s where you’ll live, too, if that’s okay with you.”

Bruce looks down at the floor and thinks hard on his answer. While Jim waits for his response he looks up and over at Spock, who stands quietly next to Pike behind the desk. The small smile he sends him is full of encouragement and all that Jim needed.

“Jim…” Jim looks back towards his son, waiting patiently for his next words. “Did you love my mom?”

The words take him by surprise; he takes a deep breath, wanting to answer honestly and hoping it’s the right thing. “I will always love your mom, Bruce. She…” He breaths out heavily. “Your mom saved _me._ And, she gave me you. I’ll always be fond of her for that.”

“Mom saved you?” Bruce’s brows are furrowed in the most adorable way.

“She did.” And that is something Jim has never shared before.

“’kay. I want to live in space, too.” He smiles shyly at him.

Jim’s answering smile is brighter than the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruce is a cutie, and I hope we see more of him! Let me know what you thought? 
> 
> ^_^


	6. Exhilaration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is the day that James Tiberius Kirk is going to propose to Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm off my game today, and I'm about to conk out but I hope that you like it still <3

**_Exhilaration_ ** _  
(noun) a feeling of excitement, happiness, or elation._

 

\--

 

Today, is the day.

Today is the day that James Tiberius Kirk is going to propose to Spock.

He had been planning it out for months; Jim is going to wait until they are alone, after shift of course. He is going to get down on one knee, give his long ass speech, and bring out the simple thin banded ring that is perfect for Spock. Bones even agreed, which surprised him.

But, of course, that is not how it went down. Because he is James Tiberius Kirk, and life never goes the way he plans it.

Before it’s even close to the end of their day, Spock just _has_ to go and do something that is so amazingly perfect, and wonderful, that the words just drop from his mouth without his say so and in front of everyone, to boot.

“Marry me.” The words spill from his lips, and its like the world has stopped. Everyone has turned to stare at him, he knows, but he finds that he could care less.

“What.” Spock says—no question in his voice, and his eyes have widened involuntarily.

“Marry me, Spock.” Jim answers, walking to him. “I love you, and want to spend the rest of my life with you. So—marry me, Spock.” Jim breathes, the words full of hope and love and _exhilaration._

He holds his breath while waiting for his answer, tongue darting out to wet his lips nervously.

“Yes, Jim.” Spock answers after a long moment. “Yes.”

Jim grins and surges forward, crushing their lips together. Even though it didn’t go as planned, and Jim doesn’t have the ring on him, it couldn’t have gone better—and he couldn’t be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sharing your car with your teenage cousin really sucks because they use your gas. Ugh. 
> 
> I'm off to sleep now, goodnight, thanks for reading, and as ever let me know what you think!


	7. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end, he never really had a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The entire time I was writing this I was thinking of the ice cream that is awaiting me. Yummy, yummy ice cream.

**_Regret_ **

_  
_ _(noun) a feeling of sadness, repentance or disappointment over something that has happened or been done._

 

 

\--

 

Jim’s relationship with Starfleet had always been shaky at best. It took his parents from his, but gave him a family. It helped him find his greatest love—and wrenched that from his hands and left him to rot.

He’d had no choice; Starfleet had made his options very clear: do whatever— _whoever_ —needed to be done to close a deal that could end the war with the Klingons. Or, do everything morally right and doom them all.

In the end, he never really had a choice.

What added insult to injury was that he couldn’t even warn Spock about what he was to do; there was never any time to give him a hint as to what was going to happen, to the pain he was going to strike down on their heads—on their _hearts_.

So instead of waking up on what should have been a nice, normal, loving day for them, they awoke into one that destroyed them.

Jim was pulled into a private call at the start of shift, a call that pulled him from his ship with little to no warning. He was given those dreadful options, forced into that awful choice, and come dinner time?

Well. He was unfortunately sweet talking his way into an asshole Klingon’s bed, turning a golden bond dry and dusty with his unwilling betrayal. By the time the day has ended he is without a home, without a family, and voluntarily out of a job.

By the end of the day, the Federation is finally on the verge of real peace, and Jim is left without his Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Poor Jim :(


	8. Blissful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spark that had started it all had yet to dim; it had, in fact, only grown and burned brighter than anyone had ever expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I restarted this too many times, but I'm finally happy with the end result. Having Johnny Cash playing in the background certainly helped. Love him. That voice, just. <3

**_Blissful_ **

_  
(adjective) providing perfect happiness or great joy._

 

\--

 

They had been together for over a year now, and yet, every time they were together it felt like the first. The spark that had started it all had yet to dim; it had, in fact, only grown and burned brighter than anyone had ever expected. There had been bets placed on how long they would last, and by default, Bones was the winner—everyone had placed within the first six months. Bones, well—in a bout of sentimentality and romanticism that he would deny till his last breath he bet that they would last until the end, and beyond that as well.

He took them out with his winnings, and it was all that was ever said on the subject—and his way of giving his blessing.

Turning in Spock’s embrace Jim looked at his sleeping face, taking in the features of the one he loved most in the world. Jim gently traced his cheekbones, stroked his pointed tip of his ear and along his jawline. Spock hummed pleasantly but didn’t stir; Jim felt an overwhelming surge of affection wash over him, something he knew Spock felt by the arms surrounding him drawing him close.

Leaning in and touching his lips softly to Spock’s, feeling the warmth of his love fill him as they pressed sleepily back into his, Jim was overcome with happiness—a wave of pure bliss he never wants to do without.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you found that short but sweet--just as I did!


	9. Bashful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it came to James, Spock felt many an emotion he had never felt before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to stop waiting so late into the evening to write these. At least on the nights before my work days. *flops* Anywho, happy reading~!

**_Bashful_ **

_(adjective) reluctant to draw attention to oneself; shy._

 

\--

 

Spock is not a shy individual. But be that as it may, that did not mean he wanted James to ever find out what he had done for him. Having that sentimental gift—one that bordered being overly so—staying anonymous would have been ideal. As it was, Spock should have known that James would have a need to know who had sent it, and why.

So, when James hunted him down and cornered him in an empty room—where he proceeded to lock them in—Spock was unsurprised by what occurred.

“So. Spock.” James started, leaning casually against the door.

“Yes, James?” Spock replied, standing seemingly perfectly at ease feet before him.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” Jim continued on when he received no response. “Spock. I know you my gift was from you. Why won’t you admit to it?”

Spock shifted, a nervous gesture he felt safe enough to share. “It was ‘no big deal’, James.” He quoted him directly; Spock could see the realization in the light flush that sufficed his cheeks.

“Well, that really wasn’t. Yours is, though. Spock, how did you even _find_ it?” James asked, moving closer to him.

“I…have my ways, James.” Spock demurred, breaking eye contact as his cheeks flushed brighter than James’.

“Spock.” James’ face begins to break into a bright smile. “Are you getting bashful on me?” Spock refuses to acknowledge his accusation, knowing it to be the truth. When it came to James, Spock felt many an emotion he had never felt before.

A light touch of fingers to his cheek drew his attention back to James.

“Thank you, Spock.” James said gently, fondly—emotions that appeared on his face in reference to him often.

“You are welcome, James, though thanks are not necessary.” Spock replied softly.

James huffed a small laugh before removing the remaining inches and initiating a tender kiss. The hands that cradle his cheeks and the lips that press into his bring him home, as they always do—for James was all the home that Spock would ever need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, thank you for reading and please, let me know what you think! <3


	10. Euphoria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They bickered and teased, angered and comforted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the shortest one yet, but I love it. <3

**_Euphoria_ **

_  
_ _(noun) a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness._

\--

 

Jim and Spock have been friends for a very long time. Since they were in diapers, as a matter of fact. They bickered and teased, angered and comforted. It had been known since practically the start that they would one day be together, and that that together would turn into forever.

Though it took them years’ worth of time, together they eventually managed to achieve. And when that together turned into forever, the euphoria was impossible to conceal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. What even is the English language? Love it but it is so strange, lol


	11. Mournful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one could have seen it coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yesterday I went and saw a movie with my cousin after work and then hung out with a friend and then was out until like, two in the morning wiyth another cousin that moved away so I just never had a moment to write this D:

**_Mournful_ **

_(adjective) feeling, expressing, or inducing sadness, regret, or grief._

 

\--

 

Spock’s death came as an unpleasant, unexpected surprise. No one had known he was sick—not even Jim. To have him fall to the ground—like his strings had been cut—was the worst thing Jim knew he would ever see. The last gasp of breath the sound he had _never_ wanted to hear.

No one could have seen it coming. They weren’t even on a mission’ they were cruising through neutral space just waiting for their next order to come in from Command. Jim was teasing Sulu and basking in Chekov’s sweet laughter. Uhura watched them with affection, while Spock worked on something at his station. He had been enjoying the relaxed atmosphere too; Jim had seen that small upward tick of the lips.

Spock had stood, something he did so often, and had turned to face Jim when it happened—Spock went down with a hard thud. The next half hour passed in a blur, and yet the details would be burned into Jim’s mind forever.

They tried everything they could, and when Bones arrived he did as well.

And yet, within that half hour, Jim shared his last mind meld with Spock, and was given his last breath—a gift he’d gladly return if he could have Spock at his side once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting off rhythm sucks, but let's hope I get back into the groove and keep with it again. Also sorry for the angst; it was speaking to me and I couldn't deny it. Let me know what you think?


	12. Terrify

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His t’hy’la was taken from him, from somewhere he should have been safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooohhh. Words. *flops over* They did not like me tonight.

**_Terrify_ **

_(verb) cause to feel extreme fear._

 

\--

 

They took him. In the dead of night, straight out of his room. Spock was incised. His t’hy’la was taken from him, from somewhere he should have been safe. Jim could take care of himself, but he was injured. During a recent mission Jim had, as always, ended it with a stint under Bones’ thumb, and he had only just recently been released to their quarters.

When Spock arrived in their quarters, it took him less than a moment to know that something was wrong. It was too quiet, almost too clean. Then there, on the bed, were bloody sheets and a cloth that smelled strongly of chloroform.

How they appeared on the ship, and were able to grab him without anyone knowing was a mystery—and even though he was terrified, that was a mystery that he would solve. Because bringing Jim home to him was the number one priority.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Spock voice was off in this, I'm sorry. :( It fought me every step of the way.


	13. Critical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They developed a thick skin as the years went by—they had to, if they wanted to go on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My cousin is over, and I love that kid to death but he never. stops. talking. Writing is a little hard to do with his voice never ending in your ear.
> 
> So here is yesterdays, and while he sleeps I'll work on today's!

**_Critical_ **

_(adjective) expressing adverse or disapproving comments or judgements._

 

\--

People talking behind their backs was not anything new to Spock or Jim. Hearing comments colored with distain, judgment—critical to the point of cruelness—was a common occurrence.

For Jim, it was because of the lifestyle his mother set him on when he was just a child. Acting out was the only way he could get her to _really_ see him, and not just through him. It was a behavior that only got worse the older he became; even the times he was innocent and just minding his own business, the talk followed him around.

For Spock, it was because of his parentage. Having a Vulcan for a dad meant nothing, not when his mother was a human. Vulcan’s were cruel to him about his parentage, both to his face and behind his back. The comments only grew worse when he decided to join Starfleet.

They developed a thick skin as the years went by—they had to, if they wanted to go on. By the time the two managed to meet that barrier was thick, and refusing to let anyone really true in.

But by the time they entered that first fantastic five-year mission, that barrier had relented and they found each other. And when Jim and Spock had each other, the worst critics and the harshest words couldn’t reach them, because they knew who the other truly was, and loved one another strongly despite, and because of it. Who needed to hear anyone else’s words after that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story didn't really feel like it fit the word, but I just go with whatever the word inspires. If you hadn't guessed that already, lol
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please, let me know what you think!


	14. Trepidation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being the kind of friends that had an occasional tumble in the sack was something he was all for, even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, here we are! Today's fill and before the wee hours. Go me. *flops over*

**_Trepidation_ **

_(noun) a feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen._

 

\--

 

Spock falling in love with him was something James did _not_ want to happen.

Being Captain and First Officer was something that he could definitely handle. Spock going from irritating acquaintance to best friend was something that he could handle as well. Being the kind of friends that had an occasional tumble in the sack was something he was all for, even.

But going from that to the love that poets dreamed about? That was something he wasn’t down for.

Experience had taught him time and again that losing yourself to someone like that brought nothing but heartache and trouble. James was finally doing something right with his life and was _stable_ —for him, anyways. He did not want to mess with that by letting love muck about and ruined things.

For all that he didn’t want it, though, James was hesitant to stop it; he was, in fact, unsure how he would go about it. But that possibility lingering in the air scared him, and that was a feeling he wasn’t about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? :)


	15. Unnerve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is something about the young cadet that unnerves me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So today's is a different POV then I am used to, but I actually think I kind of liked it. Hope that you do, as well!

**_Unnerve_ **

_(verb) make (someone) lose courage or confidence._

 

\--

 

There is something about the young cadet that unnerves me. He is everything that a Vulcan is not; his emotions run as deep as ours, but instead of perfecting a control over them he, as my mother is wont to say, ‘wears his heart on his sleeve’.

Though he lacks the strength that Vulcan’s share, he fights as if he is one, starting things with other beings larger and stronger then him. How he wins those disagreements I have yet to discover. For a time I only knew of him through the words and stories of my fellow Professors and student, Cadet Uhura.

It took some time for us to meet, and it was admittedly not under the best circumstances. Even then, I find myself feeling things I cannot describe and that further unnerves me. The interruption of the proceedings is a relief—for the second it takes me to know what is happening, that is. After that, how the cadet—James Kirk—makes me feel is not as important, and can wait until the crises has been adverted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Spotify. I'm listening to the Blue Ballads playlist and it is so <3 The first song itself already had me wanting to close my eyes and just sway with someone around the room.
> 
> Anywho. Let me know what you thought? :) 
> 
> I always love to hear from you all! ^_^
> 
> PS. I haven't gone to sleep yet so technically I'm not late;;


	16. Impatient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim had caught him eyeing him on more than one occasion. That was something that both thrilled and confused him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *explodes*

**_Impatient_ **

_(adjective) having or showing a tendency to be quickly irritated or provoked._

 

\--

Lately something was...off, about Spock. His emotions are always kept in check; out of all his friends Uhura could tell what he was feeling the majority of the time, but Jim saw even more than her. Yet even they had trouble understanding what was going on with him.   
  
He was irritable, harsh, and Jim had caught him eyeing _him_ on more than one occasion. That was something that both thrilled and confused him.   
  
Jim let his moodiness slide until he no longer could; when Spock's next reprimand sent someone to see Bones to calm down Jim knew it was time to do something about the situation. He waited until they had mere minutes left in their shift to go to his station and quietly let him know that he wanted to see him in his quarters after shift.   
  
Spock nodded stiffly in reply.   
  
The walk back to Jim's quarters was charged and almost silent--Jim was worried, and Spock was feeling who knew what. When they finally arrive Jim walks to his replicator and inputs a glass of water, turning to Spock and asking with a tilt of the head if he would like anything as well. Spock shakes his head no standing before his desk with his hands locked behind his back.   
  
Jim drained half of his cup in one go and walked around to his desk. After a moment of indecision, he sank into his chair with a sigh.   
  
"You know why I asked you here, right, Spock?" He opened, hoping that this little meeting would go smoothly.   
  
"No, Captain. I admit to not knowing what the purpose of this meeting is." Geez, even his voice was rougher than usual.   
  
"Spock…you’ve been really impatient and angry lately. I let it go for a while,” Jim sighed. “But it’s starting to really affect your work performance. What’s going on?”

Spock stayed quiet.

“Come on, Spock, you can trust me.” Jim said softly.

“It is nothing I cannot handle, Captain.” Spock answered stiffly.

“Spock, let me help.” Jim intreats.

Spock was still for a moment, and when he spoke next his words are low and dangerous. “Do you truly wish to help me, Jim?”

“Yeah, of course I do. You’re one of my best friends Spock.”

“As you wish, Jim.” Spock replied, and in one swift movement he had his fingers tangled in his command shirt and had him lifted up and over the desk. Jim’s eyes were wide, breath catching from his position of being pressed flush against Spock’s front.

“Spock?” Jim asked shakily, breathily—this was far from what he had expected to happen when he offered to help.

“Jim.” His name was a rumble in Spock’s throat, and the sound sent shivers down Jim’s spine. He licked his lips, heat spreading at the hungry way Spock watched the action.

“As you wish?” Jim hoped Spock meant in the way he did.

“As you wish.”

And those were the last coherent words spoken for the next few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *flails* OK so for those who didn't catch it, or did, or whatever--yes, that was 'As you wish' and in 'I love you' from Princess Bride. I couldn't help myself. 
> 
> As ever, thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!


	17. Analytical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It happens when he is around Jim and only ever when he is around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The problem with missing one day is that it opens the floodgates for missing another. Oh well.

**_Analytical_ **

_(adjective) relating to or using analysis or logical reasoning._

 

\--

 

Spock is unsure how to categorize what emotion he is feeling. It happens when he is around Jim—looking, talking, or thinking about his Captain—and only ever when he is around him. It makes him ache for his mother; helping him to discover what emotion is currently wreaking havoc on his control is something she would have gladly done.

Though he and his father were amicable now, he did not want to go to him to seek clarification. Uhura was the next logical option, but Spock decided to take his cue from Jim and follow his gut—which told him that asking her would be unfair, and may even cause her pain. As he still feels fondly of her, that is not an option.

It leaves him having to figure out the answer on his own, Spock feels that though it may take him time, the result will be well worth any and all effort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Spock, guys, he just. I love him.


	18. Amuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock is looking at him with fond bemusement, a smile teasing at his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to get this up and posted last night but I barely stayed awake long enough for the last chapter, so. Sorry 'bout that.

**_Amuse_ **

_(verb) cause (someone) to find something funny; entertain._

 

\--

 

Jim is laughing so hard he can’t even breath. There is no noise coming out of his mouth and his sides hurt; Spock is looking at him with fond bemusement, a smile teasing at his lips. It takes some time for him to calm down and catch his breath, but once he does? All it takes is a look at the pair before him—Spock with the faint emotions playing on his face, Bones with the frown that he would plain refuse to admit is the beginnings of a pout—and he is off to giggling.

Neither one meant for him to have this reaction, Jim knew, but what else could he do when his t’hy’la and best friend presented him with this?

Biting at his lip Jim looked back up at them, falling once again into the pitfall that was giggling. It would be a while before he could respond without laughter—and that was a time he knew they would happily sit through, thanks the smiles he sees one their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to get caught up and the next at _least_ five days finished. Which is probably, most definitely, pipe dreaming. But a girl can try, yeah?


	19. Brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim could only hope that Spock and the rest of his crew would arrive soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a bit of a continuation of chapter 12's 'Terrify'. It's Jim's POV this time *yay hands*

**_Brave_ **

_(noun) people who are ready to face and endure danger or pain._

\--

 

Spock would get him soon, Jim knew. There would never be any doubt about that. The only question is _when._ But until then, Jim is ready to do whatever it takes to make it until then; so what if he has to endure a little pain, or some pretty gnarly torture. It was unfortunately nothing new, and something that he would more than likely have to endure again.

As he took another strike to the face, Jim could only hope that Spock and the rest of his crew would arrive soon. With a hard glare to his captors Jim spit a glob of blood into the nearest one’s face, knowing that it would only set them off worse but choosing to be a shit anyways.

Jim would not make this easy for them—would _never_ make it easy for them, or anyone else. Watching as they prepare to inflict more pain, Jim closes his eyes and thinks of nothing but Spock, and the warm arms he can’t wait to be in once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dog is snoring and it is adorable. Also? The Pacifier is on. I love this movie.


	20. Curious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If he had been drinking, Jim knows he would have choked on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't gone to sleep yet (though I am _so_ ready to) so I am not counting this as late.

**_Curious_ **

_(adjective) eager to learn or know something._

\--

 

When Spock said he needed to talk to him in private that evening, this was far from what Jim was expecting. To berate him on something he had said or done while on shift that wasn’t quite Captain-y? Sure, he could see that. Maybe even to ask that he refrain from saying Captain-y, which he admits to doing just to get a rise from Spock. Basically anything, really, but what he really chose to say—the last thing he ever thought to hear from him.

“Jim, I have a request.” Is Spock’s opening statement; he’s standing with his hands clasped behind his back just shy from the door that leads to the bathroom that separates their quarters. Needing to be nearby a quick escape route, maybe, if it goes wrong?

“What’s up Spock?” Jim asks, setting his PADD down atop his desk and leaning back against it. He watches Spock compose himself, girding himself for whatever it is he has to say.

“Jim, I find myself curious, and it is something I believe you can help me...explore, and discover.” Spock says slowly, the fact that he seems to be beating around the bush catching Jim’s attention.

“Okay, what caught your interest?” Jim questions, straightening from his slouch as he thinks of what is going on in the ship that would catch his interest so.

“Intercourse, Jim. Specifically, intercourse with ones t’hy’la.” The words are stated matter of fact, calmly, and as if they aren’t going to shake the very foundations of their friendship. If he had been drinking, Jim knows he would have choked on it. As it is he thinks he just might choke on the fucking air.

“I—what?” Jim stutters, looking at Spock in wide eyed befuddlement.

“As you understood what I previously stated, I shall not repeat myself. Will you help me satisfy my curiosity, Jim?” Spock asks.

“Are you…looking for me to help you find your t’hy’la and give you tips, here, or…are you saying…” Jim licks nervously at his lips. “Are you saying that’s…me.”

“It is you, Jim.” Spock smiles softly.

“Oh.” Well, that certainly was not what he had been expecting. “Oh.” He breathes, locking eyes with Spock and replaying his words in his head. There’s really only one answer to that question, and so Jim pushes off the desk, cupping his face in his hands and pressing a kiss to his lips that starts out soft and heats up quick. Spock grips Jim by the hips and pulls him close, humming with pleasure.

There was going to be a lot to discuss later, but for now Jim was fully behind the idea of continuing as they were, with the added bonus of Spock’s warmth heating him from the inside out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sleep time now.  
> Let me know what you think?
> 
> also ps I was going to do some ~details~ with their lovin' but I legit started to fall asleep midsentence, so. probably not the best idea.
> 
> really going to sleep now, though, sandman is callin' my name.


	21. Joy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choosing one day out of so many was so difficult—even just choosing a _moment_ was impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. I not only have today's, but the next FOUR DAYS prompts done and ready to go. Holy moly, this is a fan-tabulous first! :D

**_Joy_ **

_(noun) a feeling of great pleasure and happiness._

\--

 

It was hard to say what day spent by Spock’s side was the most joyous; would it be the day they successfully completed their first mission, or when they acted on their feelings for one another?

Or was it the first time they told one another ‘I love you’—that day was one that may not have started on a good note, but certainly finished as one. It may even be the night they slept together and realized how deep their bond truly was.

Choosing one day out of so many was so difficult—even just choosing a _moment_ was impossible.

But this moment right here, the day he was living through now, ma just take the cake; for it was their wedding day, and the mere _thought_ of being together forever was everything he had wished for—and more.

So standing before him and exchanging their vows? Well, the feelings were overwhelming—and it.

Was.

**Perfect.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The blues really soothes me, it's so odd. Makes writing quite nice though.


	22. Determined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, saying that he was determined to keep Spock safe—at all costs—wasn’t even the half of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have this stuff with a sappy ending! <3

**_Determined_ **

_(adjective) having made a firm decision and being resolved not to change it._

\--

 

When Jim sets his mind to something, there is little that can be said or done to change it. He’s a stubborn shit, and damn proud of it. It’s a fact of life, and something that has helped him out more than once.

So when he realizes, two years into their five-year mission, that he was in love with Spock and that it was the kind of love that meant forever? Well, saying that he was determined to keep Spock safe—at all costs—wasn’t even the half of it.

He never said anything to anyone about his feelings, but he knew Bones was aware of it, as well as a very astute Uhura. They never brought it up, so Jim was content with going on as if they had never noticed.

Telling Spock about his feelings _had_ crossed his mind a time or two before, but he was well aware of how likely it was that he ever would, or that he would even act on it.

Spock was one of his best friends, and the bond they shared was something rice and cherished. Jim didn’t ever want to risk losing that, so acting on his feelings was firmly out of the question. Having his love being unknown, unreciprocated, was far more preferable to Spock’s avoidance and absence from his life.

Of course, he never accounted on Spock realizing it on his own, thanks to how often he put himself in harm’s way for him. It’s why he was so unprepared, when Spock had had enough and finally said something.

“Captain, I must insist that you cease putting yourself in harm’s way on my behalf. It is unnecessary and quite frustrating.” Spock announced firmly, frowning down at him from his position at the side of the bed.

Jim finds himself grateful that Bones now stuck him in his own room in Medbay. “Frustrating, Spock?” he questioned.

“Yes, Jim. It is distressing to see you injured and having it be in an continued effort to keep me from harm. I do not appreciate being the reason you hurt.” Spock admits softly, the raw emotion in his eyes hitting Jim hard.

Taking a deep breath, Jim decides to admit something of his own. “I would rather be in this bed, then you. And I can’t be sorry for that.”

“Neither one of us in that bed would be the preferred option. Spock steps closer, tentatively reaching out and stroking a finger gently down Jim’s cheek. “Ashayam, let us share the burden of protecting one another.”

Breath catching, Jim stared up at Spock in stunned, hopeful disbelief. “Spock?”

“I cannot lose you, Jim. _I ashaya du_.’” The words hit Jim like a brick to the chest. Reaching out with a shaky hand to clasp hands with Spock, Jim breaths out the words that will change their relationship forever.

“I love you too, Spock.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got the Vulcan from the internet, so if it is wrong that is so very my bad. In order, it is 'beloved' and 'I love you'. I love Spock calling him endearments in Vulcan it just gets to me.
> 
> Let me know what you think! ^_^


	23. Bold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know.” Jim winks. “Turn around now if you don’t want to see the goods.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drops fill and rolls away*

**_Bold_ **

_(adjective) (of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous._

\--

 

“Come on Spock, just—try with me here. What’s the worst that could happen really?” Jim tugged at his best friend’s hand, trying to hurry him along. “Our parents are all gone—and that never happens at the same time!”

Spock follows him, a mighty frown upon his face. “While that may be true, it does not affect our possibilities of being caught, Jim.”

“Come on, Spock, where’s your sense of adventure?” Jim asks, quickening their pace as they neared their destination. “No one ever comes out her this late, we’ll be fine.” Stopping at the beginning of the deck Jim turned and faced Spock. “you don’t even have to go in, okay?” you can just be on lookout.”

“Alright.” At those words Jim grinned.

“Great! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to jump”

Spock frowned. “Jim, you did not bring a suit.”

“I know.” Jim winks. “Turn around now if you don’t want to see the goods.” That is all the warning he gave before tearing his shirt off, kicking his shoes off while he undid the clasps on his pants. Smirking when Spock didn’t turn fast enough Jim tugged his pants and boxers off in one go, sparing a glace for Spock’s adorably flushed ears before jogging to the edge of the deck and executing a perfect dive.

When Jim finally drew up for air he noticed Spock still stood with his back turned to him. “All clear to turn back ‘round, Spock.” Jim called, grinning when he did so.

“That warning was insufficient.” Spock complained. He gathered Jim’s clothes together, folding them and setting them and his shoes on the deck—close enough to be easily accessible, but far enough to not get soaked.

Jim laughed. “Sorry, Spock.” He wasn’t really, and they both knew it. “Care to join me?” he asked, the nerves in his voice easy for Spock to spot.

Spock was a very private person, and personal space and a bit of modesty was part and parcel of his character. If he were to go into that water with Jim—if he were to strip down bare and jump in to that water—it would be making a statement.

They had been toeing around that line between just friends and more, neither one quite ready to take that leap forward into what they _knew_ would be their forever. As Spock stood there, gaze locking with Jim wo was treading water with ease, he contemplated if he was—if _they_ were—ready for this. Taking a deep breath, he made his decision

“Turn around,” he spoke softly, waiting for Jim to do so before disrobing. He folded his clothes with shaky hands, stepping slowly to the edge of the deck. And with a deep breath in, Spock jumped boldly into their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. They went skinny dipping. Scandalous! ;o


	24. Sleepy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But, luckily enough for everyone, Jim had a secret weapon hidden up his sleeve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sleepy describes me well. Sleeeeeepy.

**_Sleepy_ **

_(adjective) needing or ready for sleep._

\--

 

Running on little to no hours of sleep was nothing new to Jim. He, as a matter of fact, was used to sleepless nights and functioning _properly_ on as little as three hours of sleep. It wasn’t healthy, and he knew that—after all these years of being best friend to a grouchy doctor, he knew that in sharp, loud clarity—but it was his reality.

So, when they wound up with those missions where finding time to get any rest was almost impossible, Jim was able to function and not have it be noticed.

Spock, on the other hand? Now there was a man who made it only too obvious when he was in need of sleep, or at the very least a couple hours of meditation so that he could just _relax_. Getting him to do so, let alone _admit_ to it, was damn near impossible.

But, luckily enough for everyone, Jim had a secret weapon hidden up his sleeve.

Since they had officially started to date—and even before then—Jim had noticed even before that just his mere presence was enough to ease something in Spock; the cuddling that they would never admit to doing made him melt. Add in soft, barely there kisses and Jim’s voice—singing, talking, it didn’t matter—and Spock practically _purred_.

(Which, Jim would swear he did, the big Vulcan cat that he was.)

So, when Spock is starting to get snappish and obviously running on fumes, Jim sets Sulu in charge and drags his man—as professionally as one can, of course—to their quarters. Spock voices his displeasure the entire way there, but never fights his way out of Jim’s hold.

He takes that as a sign on his acceptance.

When they’re finally in their quarters Jim kicks off his shoes, setting their comms on the bedside table while he waits for Spock to do the same. Once he has he pulls him down to the bunk, an immense wave of fondness washing over him when Spock lays his head on his chest, ear to Jim’s heart, body curling around him.

Jim softly presses their fingers together in a kiss, gently humming an old Earth classic about love as he draws soothing circles into his hip. The combination proves quite effective and soon Spock has sunk into him, radiating love and contentment—and an overwhelming gratefulness that Jim was in his life.

All emotions Jim returned—tenfold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Benadryl kicks my butt, and I am going to conk out aaaaany second now. *jazz hands* *FOR NO REASON* excuse the tired lady and give her a comment?? yeah? thank you kindly and all that :3


	25. Nervous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To say a Vulcan was nervous seemed almost taboo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts since yesterday and I almost forgot about it. Oops.

**_Nervous_ **

_(adjective) easily agitated or alarmed; tending to be anxious; highly strung._

\--

 

To say a Vulcan was nervous seemed almost taboo. It was a feeling that perchance wasn’t the most logical to have, and why would a person who belongs to a race of almost emotionless people admit to that fault?

That was the only reason Jim could imagine up for Spock’s reaction to him telling him not to be so nervous was, anyway. Yeah, it could be a bit of a stretch, but why else would Spock take such offense to the suggestion? It’s not like there was anything wrong with him being nervous, considering that Jim was too.

Spock was formally introducing Jim to his father and T’Pau as his bondmate—that would be nerve wracking even if he was human. Or if Jim was a Vulcan—anyway, the point is that Spock overreacted to one tiny suggestion Jim made about his emotional state, and that wasn’t what they needed right now.

Any other occasion and he might have waited for Spock to apologize first; as it was, Bones made a good point (not that he would ever them so the, the smug bastard) that considering they were due at New Vulcan in a few hours, making up so they could make a good impression was the best thing to do.

Heaving a resigned sigh Jim trailed off after his love, finding him as expected in an empty rec room, contemplating a chess board. Jim settled in the chair across from him, giving the board a moment of his time before making his starting move.

He waits until they are a few moves in to start. “So, you wanna tell me what that was about?”

Spock did his Vulcan version of a sigh, which was essentially a small gust of air. “Not particularly.” He responded honestly.

“Is it about your dad?” Jim pressed. “I don’t want my first time meeting your dad as your bondmate to go badly, Spock, and I know you don’t either.” He explained at the glare he received.

That earned him another sigh, but a lessening of the tension in the air as well. “While my relationship with my father has improved, I am unsure what he will say or do to our news.”

Jim took a moment to soak that in. “If he disapproves, or worse, what are you going to do?”

A few moves go by before Spock replies. “I would be disappointed, and sad for a time. But it won’t change how I feel about you, or the state of our relationship.”

His words ease Jim’s fears. “I hope he won’t disappoint, then.” Neither one would have parents, then, and that wasn’t something he wished upon Spock.

“Indeed.” Spock replies quietly. Jim makes sure to send comfort and love through their bond, and is pleased to receive the fond gratefulness in return. He would do anything to keep Spock happy, even if that included being on his absolute best behavior; Spock was worth it, and always would be worth everything he had to give—and more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allergiiiies :(


	26. Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he had never wanted _anything_ more than he wanted Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was on such a roll, but then my birthday came around and all the shenanigans that came with it. 
> 
> But I have one finished and waiting to be copied down, and another needing a fixing but almost done! And yet another all planned out. So at least there's that?

**_Longing_ **

_(noun) a yearning desire._

\--

 

Jim had never wanted another person more than he wanted Spock; he had never wanted _anything_ more than he wanted Spock. That was just the honest truth—and something he would never share with another soul.

As he sat, watching the performance Spock and Uhura were carrying out, he couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have Spock’s hands stroking his flesh, how easily he would be able to pluck Jim’s strings and pull out the sweetest chords he had ever played—or ever heard.

If he were to be honest, Jim would admit that he thought about what Spock’s hands would feel like on him more than was appropriate, considering that it wasn’t until recently that Spock and Uhura had split. He couldn’t help how he felt, though, and he had long passed the time when he would have stopped it.

Because his longing didn’t hurt anyone. No one besides him, anyways, and Jim had long since grown _accustomed_ to pain—so what was a little more, in the grand scheme of things? He could handle longing from afar a relationship with someone he could never get. That was a story line he was unfairly a master at.

But as he watched the peace that settled over Spock’s face, Jim found himself hoping that this time, _this_ time would be the one that turned out in his favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For my birthday I went to the fuckin' magical land of Harry Potter, guys. And it. was. _AMAZING._


	27. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they shared a soft, sated kiss, pleasure and warmth and heat that spreads everywhere they touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am determined to get these done and up before next weekend. It MUST happen.

**_Panic_ **

_(noun) sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety; often causing wildly unthinking behavior._

\--

 

Jim scratched his nails down Spock’s back gasping his name, the angle of his thrusts burying himself deeper in Jim. With the new angle, he kept hitting that tight bundle of nerves Jim could never seem to reach with his own fingers. Spock _growled_ latching to that spot just behind his ear that drove him crazy, sucking a bruise in the skin he’ll never see but always feel.

They kept that slow steady pace for what felt like hours until Spock’s fingers caressed Jim’s psi points on their way into his hair. The sudden clarity and connection—their feelings of lust and love, bitterness and guilt—overwhelmed them and sparks off a completion unlike any other they’d ever had.

It isn’t until sometime later when Spock has pulled out of Jim, until they shared a soft, sated kiss, pleasure and warmth and heat that spreads everywhere they touch that it really hits them just what they just did. And when it does, panic overwhelms them; for despite how good and right what they just did was, it should not have happened.

It _never_ should have happened because Spock was Uhura, and Jim, well. He was in a relationship of his own with Alexa, and this thing that just happened between them, this _invigorating_ round of love-making?

It should never have happened, and if they were smart it would never happen again.

The thing was, though, that when it comes to each other? They are never act as smart as they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These. Freaking. Two. Ugh.


	28. Seductive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ....Jim’s fingers as they fiddled with game pieces, sometimes stroking the old wooden pieces as he pondered his move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drops fic and rolls away*

**_Seductive_ **

_(adjective) tempting and attractive; enticing._

\--

 

 

It all started because of chess. At first their games were simply nothing more than quiet affairs and any time something was said it was shop talk about the ship or the crew. But as time went on and they grew closer there was a noticeable change in routine.

Matches still occurred but now instead of the quick games Spock had grown accustomed to they found reason to prolong their time together, and as their comfort level grew so did the tension between them ease until Jim would sit in a loose sprawl in his chair, hair mussed and when they were in either one of their quarters his uniform top would be swapped with a well-worn tee-shirt.

It was not until Spock realized how much attention he paid to Jim’s fingers as they fiddled with game pieces, sometimes stroking the old wooden pieces as he pondered his move. It was slow and hypnotizing and had screwed with his game on more than one occasion. At first Spock wondered if Jim did so with that intention but soon realized that after further inspection and _seeing_ him and watching his interactions with others he noticed Jim was just a man who never stopped moving.

But even after Spock had his answer he could not stop watching Jim and made no effort to force it. Because he was slowly gaining feelings for the man. Feelings that only grew the more Jim unknowingly seduced him with his very _being_. Every move he made bewitched him, and so often Spock wanted to kiss the very breath from his lungs.

Watching the utterly _content_ smile that played on Jim’s lips as he sat in between Spock and Bones, the rest of their friends sitting at the table before him, Spock knew that soon he would close that scant distance between them and change their lives forever—and for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost, you guys! We are so close. And I am sooo tired.


	29. Aching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim will never get used to what the sight of him injured does to his cool, calm and collected First Officer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... I've had this done for months--like, since May, but I went through a funk and totally forgot that I had it! I'm terribly sorry about that, and I promise to have the last up before next year! 
> 
> That said, here's the long awaited for chapter 29!

**_Aching_ **

_(adjective) sore; throbbing with pain/feeling intense or wistful sadness; sorrowful_

\--

 

After those years of knowing him Jim thought Spock would be used to this by now. Sprinting head first into danger, thinking of the consequences and yet doing the action that he _knows_ is going to hurt him anyways is kind of his M.O.. When it came down to a choice between him getting injured, even possibly dying, or one of his crew? There was no question—Jim would put himself in the way of that danger every time. Because his crew is too important to him.

So the fact that when it came down to letting (crew name) or himself get shot by that beautiful yet dangerous antique gun? Jim chose to draw the enemies attention his way, sneering off a comment that he knew would keep that focus on him. As luck would have it, it’s just as he’s been struck and Sulu is cursing his name and starting to struggle in earnest to free himself from his captors hold that the cavalry arrives.

Jim will never get used to what the sight of him injured does to his cool, calm and collected First Officer.

He’s glad that it’s not until the smoke has cleared that Spock’s eyes land on him, taking in the sight of Jim lying on his back and Sulu’s hands pressed harsh to the wound, hands red with his blood.

The sweat on Jim’s brow and the grimace twisting his lip are the only indectation of how painful it really is—that’s all that Jim allows to show in front of his crew.

And he knows there’s no use in protesting what will come next, but that doesn’t mean he won’t make a token protest to being carried like a damsel in distress in front of his crew. Being manhandled by Spock is something he’s come to expect when things such as this happen on missions.

And though Jim knows that, he’s still going to try a time or two at the very least to be able to make it there on his own two feet.

The fact that Spock swoops down so that he is held tight against him, his slender but deceptively strong hands taking over Sulu’s job in pressing down hard while he barks an order for him to get them back on board the ship immediately surprises him none at all.

As Sulu follows the command Jim lets himself focus on the man surrounding him.

“Hey, Spock. ‘verything takin’ care of?”

“Yes, captain. Everything but you.” The corner of Jim’s mouth tipped in a small smile—that quickly faded—at the fond reprimand buried under the layers of worry and fear.

“Yeah, sorry about that, babe.” The endearment slipped out, the pain loosening his tongue. He wasn’t sure if it was even heard, though, as between that second in the next they were back on board his ship surrounded by medical.

“Hiya, Bones.” Jim grinned shakily at his best friend.

“Damnit kid, can’t you go one mission without getting hurt?” Bones asked gruffly, running the tricorder over him and barking out an order for a stretcher to be brought over.

“Now where’s the fun in that?” He asked cheekily. “Is that really necessary? It’s just a little shot; just a little wound.” Jim refuses to admit that a stretcher would be exactly what he needed in that moment.

“You bet your ass it is.” Bones snapped, a frown furrowing his brow at the wince of pain Jim was unable to hide while transferring from Spock’s arms to the stretcher. His best friends worried eyes are the last thing he sees before the pain overwhelms him, Spock’s voice a soothing wave guiding him into the black.

 

\--

 

When Jim woke next it was to the bright white ceiling of the med bay. He sighed inwardly at the sight of it, wincing while he adjusted to the light. Looking around he wasn’t that surprised to find Spock sitting in a chair beside his bed, his deep chocolate eyes focused on him.

“Hey, Spock.” Jim smiled lightly, hissing out a breath at the ache he felt shifting in his direction. “Where’s Bones?”

“Dr. McCoy is currently helping with another patient.” It was a testament to how close they had become that Jim was able to see the tension Spock was holding.

“Everything ok, Spock?” Jim attempted to ease himself up, swallowing down the pain it was causing. Something was going wrong and that was more important to him than staying bedbound—his crew _always_ came first.

“Everything is fine, Captain.” Spock gently guided him back down with warm hands to the shoulders.

“Why are you tense, then?” Jim asked. “And don’t say you aren’t, I can tell that you are.”

“That is a conversation best left until we have privacy, Jim.” His words put Jim on edge, though he does his best not to show it. “Do not worry, Ashayam.” He assured him softly. “I am certain the end results will please us both.” His brown eyes smile at him, setting Jim’s heart racing.

That, and the fingers that oh so softly brush his.

As he watched Spock settle back, and heard Bones’ voice coming their way, Jim found that he had never wanted to get out of sickbay more urgently then he did in that moment. He had a new life waiting to start, he was sure, one that would involve the sharing of hearts that he had always feared—but with Spock, oh with Spock he could not wait to take that fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do promise to have the last up before the new year! 
> 
> I hope that this was worth the wait, and I shall see you soon!


	30. Neglect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To every time Jim was not loved like he should have been, to the neglect he suffered instead of being treasured like he deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I failed in getting it posted before the end of the year, buuuut I'm posting it before April so that has to count for something, right? *faceplants*

Even as just an acquaintance, the fact that Jim has had a rough upbringing is very clear. But once they had become a couple, Spock was privy to truths and facts that he would have not have been otherwise; they helped to explain Jim and his actions, but—to be blunt—they mainly had Spock wishing to enact true violence for the first time in his life.

As he stares down at Jim, who is sleeping peacefully in his arms, he finds his mind wandering away from him, and to all those instances that anger him so.

The first time Jim realizes his mother will never love him as much as his dead father, whose shadow he will never be able to fill (though Spock is sure Jim shines so bright and true he has overpassed and overfilled that shadow).

The day his brother left him at the mercy of a man who is lucky to be dead (for otherwise a crew would have left him wishing he were so).

The judge who left him at the mercy of a woman who did not care for him instead of helping him (which led to Jim going to Tarsus, which almost destroyed, almost taken him before Spock could find him).

To every time Jim was not loved like he should have been, to the neglect instead of being treasured like he deserved.

Running a tender finger from his temple to jaw, and up again to cradle his cheek in the palm of his hand, Spock swears to cherish him, to be there when he needs him and to _always_ love his t’hy’la—Spock inhales suddenly in shock, feeling as something slots into place, shining brightly and warming him from the inside out.

He feels the moment Jim wakes eyes snapping to meet wide, bright blue eyes.

“Did you ju—” Jim begins, shock stopping his sentence short.

When Spock finally speaks, his voice is stilted. “Yes.”

“Spock…” Jim’s eyes flit about his face, as if searching for something.

“Yes, Jim?” Spock questions, hating the fear that swallows his words.

“I love you forever, too.” At those soft words it is as if Spock has come back to life; their kiss is tender yet passionate, the swell of emotions and affectionate terms of endearment being shared through their bond something he now knows for certainty he will have for the rest of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here was the end! And tomorrow, it's the start of another hopefully great year! :D


End file.
